Bookshelf Q. Battler
I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler, a world renowned poindexter, reviewer of pop cultural happenings, and a champion fighter.
If you’re one of my regular 3.5 readers over at The Bookshelf Battle Blog, thank you for following me over here. If you’re a new reader, thanks for stopping by. I could always use more readers, though somehow the more I get, my hit counter never gets higher than 3.5. Weird.
WHAT IS A POP CULTURE MYSTERY?
I’m glad you asked. A Pop Culture Mystery is a question involving some aspect of the entertainment industry that is so vexing, so confusing, so absolutely confounding that it absolutely boggles the mind.
- In Star Wars, who shot first? Han or Greedo?
- How did Doc and Marty from Back to the Future originally meet?
- What happened to the original Brady spouses?
- Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? Who? Who?
SO WHAT IS THIS SITE ALL ABOUT?
I’m glad you asked, new and old readers.
See that bodacious blonde way up in the header of this blog?
That is Ms. Delilah K. Donnelly, my attorney and representative in all matters. Boy, has she saved my oily hide and pulled my bacon out of the fire more times than I can count.
I suppose she won’t always be up there, so here’s another snap of her:
Delilah K. Donnelly, Esq.
I know. She’s easy on the eyes, but let’s try to keep this professional. She’s an accomplished officer of the court after all, and I could not have put this site together without her adept negotiation skills.
Perhaps you’ve heard of legendary lawman Jake Dashing? History buffs can tell you that he ranks right up there with the likes of Elliot Ness and Melvin Purvis.
Ness brought down Al Capone, Purvis took out John Dillinger and Dashing? He brought an end to the stranglehold that notorious mobster Mugsy McGillicuddy had on the City of Angels, a miraculous feat that no one ever thought would be possible at the time.
The world has long believed that Dashing died not long after that. The world is wrong.
He didn’t die. He just feel asleep at his desk in 1954 and slept for 60 years until he finally woke up again in 2014.
Now that’s some Rip Van Winkle action.
Dashing spent a year trying to figure out what happened to him with no luck.
That’s where I come in. You see, I know why Dashing had a six decade nap. I know how he can get back to the 1950’s, the time period he feels most comfortable in. I know how to return him to his old life.
I should just tell him, right?
Well, that would be the just and moral thing to do but I’m trying to get some stats up in this piece. Unfortunately, that means having to do unsavory things.
Thus, with the help of Attorney Donnelly, I struck a deal with Jake:
- He’ll solve 100 Pop Culture Mysteries for me and file reports that I’ll publish online.
- After the 100th report is filed, I’ll tell him what he wants to know.
- And unfortunately, since Jake’s holding back an intense desire to strangle the shit out of me until I squeal like a pig, he and I will never meet in person. We’ll rely on Ms. Donnelly to be our go-between. She’ll deliver my questions and collect Jake’s reports.
Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Well, no, not for Jake. But hey, I know you have your choice of blogs to read so when you’re making that decision, keep in mind there aren’t many bloggers who care enough about your entertainment needs to black mail a badass hardboiled noir detective who could literally murder me with his pinky finger without flinching.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
- Jake’s had plenty of adventures in his past that he’ll share, and he’ll clue us in to what’s going on as he tries to make it in modern day LA.
- If you’re a mystery writer, Jake will interview you in his typical private detective style.
- If you’re a pop culture enthusiast, I’ll deputize you so you can solve a pop culture mystery of your own and promote your work at the same time.
WHEN WILL IT START?
Ah, there’s the rub. Jake’s been filing reports for Bookshelf Battle since June. He grabbed enough attention from my 3.5 readers that I became convinced that he needed a blog of his own.
But I need some time. So I’ve given myself a deadline of April 1 to get all of Jake’s reports and other material ready to go.
WHAT DO I DO UNTIL THEN?
- Follow this blog so you’ll be ready to go April 1.
- If you’ve got a pop culture mystery you’d like to put Jake on, tweet it to me at @bookshelfbattle
- Check back here as I’ll be posting more updates as April 1 begins
- Follow and read Bookshelf Battle. While I’m no Jake Dashing, I am an adventurer in my own right. My blog is a chronicle of my attempts to become a writer, and the aliens, yetis, mad scientists, zombies and other bizarre characters I cross paths with along the way.
- If you have friends, tell them all about this! If you don’t have any friends, that really sucks. Take a long, hard look at yourself, make some positive life changes and find a friend! Then tell him or her about my blogs. Remember, the key is to tell them.
I’m very excited about this project and I hope you are too.
Bookshelf Q. Battler