Posts Tagged With: character profiles

 
 

Character Profile – Capt. Thaddeus Talbot

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A veteran of World War I, Captain Thaddeus Talbot was one of few honest cops during Mugsy McGillicuddy’s de facto ownership of the city. He survived as long as he did by walking a fine line, refusing to ignore corruption when it right in front of his face, but never going out of his way to look for it either. “See no evil, hear no evil, don’t get a .38 shoved up your ass by evil,” he advised his men.

He was in charge of “The Irregulars,”a unit unofficially designated as the Mayor’s public relations tool. Talbot and co. would chase down headline grabbing cases in an effort to draw press attention off the Mayor, who was widely believed to be one of many public officials’ in McGillicuddy’s pocket.

In the later period of his life, Talbot got through his days by dreaming of his imminent retirement – moving to a cabin by a lake with Mrs. Talbot, fly fishing and long, luxurious naps.

But then Jake Dashing came into his life, becoming an obnoxious irritant to his plans, as well as his ulcer.

Known for a mouth that would make a sailor blush, the good captain was a Rembrandt of obscenity. Inappropriate words were his paint and Dashing often ended up as his canvas.

And who could blame him? The poor old timer ended up in a vice, squeezed on one end by the Mayor who demanded McGillicuddy get a free pass, and Dashing, who yearned to slap a pair of cuffs on LA’s most nefarious criminal mastermind, no matter the collateral damage.

All the poor guy wanted to do was fish.

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Character Profile – Peaches LeMay

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Jazz aficionados the world over know her as Peaches LeMay, the sultry siren of stage and screen who took Hollywood by storm in the 1940’s and 50’s.  To this day, film buffs heap praise on her award winning turn in Away With the Fire, and her singles are staples of any classic music lover’s collection.

But before she became America’s sweetest peach, she was Jake Dashing’s first girlfriend.  To him, she was Hettie May Blodgett, the girl he grew up with in Bayonne, NJ.

As a couple of eighteen year olds with stars in their eyes, Jake and Hettie hopped an LA bound train, hoping for fame and fortune. Jake wanted to be an actor while Hettie had her sights set on singing.

The deal worked out amazingly for Hettie.

As for Jake?  Well, since he’s currently a washed up private dick in the employ of a nerd blogger who is only able to attract a mere 3.5 readers, one might say our favorite gumshoe drew the short end of the stick on this one.

Still, like an Olympic runner, Jake carries a torch for her.  He blames himself for their breakup and thinks of her often.

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Character Profile – Agnes “The Librarian” Abernathy

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She’s a book slinging badass, a master of the Dewey Decimal System, and the faster shusher in the West. She’s Agnes Abernathy, Jake Dashing’s overworked, under appreciated research assistant.

Having held the position of reference librarian at the Montoya Branch Library for decades, she’s seen her beloved book haven shift from a bastion of knowledge for the community to a de facto shelter for down on their luck homeless folk with nowhere else to go.  Ever the public servant, she puts on the happiest face she can and goes out of her way to help her patrons, even though they heap all manner of abuse on her.

Her most difficult customer as of late is one Jake Dashing.  He has no clue how to use computers and bullies Agnes into doing his pop culture homework for him, so much so that Bookshelf Q. Battler often wonders why he doesn’t just fire Jake and hire Agnes, thus cutting out the middle man entirely.

While Agnes routinely reprimands Jake about his laziness and lack of manners, there’s a part of her that doesn’t mind the intrigue that comes with being a pop culture mystery researcher.  Between budget cuts that lower the quality of services her library can provide, a population convinced that the Internet has made libraries obsolete, her retirement looming on the horizon and a husband with failing health to take care of, she begins to look at Jake’s research requests as her chance to add some much needed adventure to her life.

Of course, she won’t tell that bum that.

Be on the lookout for “Agnes’ Indie Book of the Month” in which our resident book jockey will promote books she’d like to see in her library.

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Character Profile – Delilah K. Donnelly, Esq.

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As one of the top power brokers in Hollywood, Attorney Donnelly is the woman the elite call on whenever they’re in a pinch.  From celebrities in need of her remarkable contract negotiation skills to less than savory individuals looking to stay out of the clink, her schedule is full and she has the billable hours to show for it.

Thus, one of the greatest mysteries of all time is why a woman of such an extraordinary high caliber will, without fail, drop whatever she is doing when her pro bono client, Bookshelf Q. Battler, the lowly nerd in charge of Bookshelf Battle, calls on her for assistance.

Her client list includes captains of industry, stars of stage and screen…and a guy with a blog that only attracts the eyes of 3.5 readers.  Doesn’t make much sense, does it?

Ms. Donnelly is fiercely loyal to Mr. Battler and he, in turn, speaks of her with the utmost admiration.  Why Ms. Donnelly and Mr. Battler share such mutual respect for one another is a secret they’ve yet been willing to share publicly.

Detective Jake Dashing has made it clear that if he ever runs into Battler, he’ll strangle our beloved nerd into dishing the information he needs to get back to the 1950’s, thus ending this website’s run way too early.

BQB can’t have that, so Ms. Donnelly serves as an intermediary between Dashing and Battler.  She delivers BQB’s pop culture mystery questions to Jake and forwards Jake’s reports to BQB.

Jake has developed an overwhelming crush on Ms. Donnelly.  He’s spent his life searching for his “unicorn” a woman who not only has both brains and beauty but most importantly, doesn’t use those assets for evil purposes.

Our fedora sporting hero is convinced she’s his special lady.  Moreover, as a 1950’s fella, Jake’s aghast by “dames in trousers” and is attracted to Ms. Donnelly’s classic, fashionable style.

It’s a look she’s known for all over Hollywood.  Whether representing a client in court, out for a night on the town, or simply relaxing, Ms. Donnelly has never been spotted wearing anything unworthy of being sent down a fashion show runway.

As head counsel for Donnelly and Associates, her net worth is estimated to be higher than you 3.5 readers can count, though she often donates generously to charitable causes and has been known to advocate for the less fortunate (even people lower than Bookshelf Q. Battler and that’s pretty low).

Few details of Ms. Donnelly’s past are known and she and Battler certainly aren’t sharing them.

Will she ever succumb to Jake’s advances, or will she continue to treat him like the washed up bum that he is?

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Character Profile – Jake Dashing

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His name’s Dashing. Jake Dashing. He’s a sleuth, a gumshoe, a shamus, a private dick, and as of 2015, a less than willing servant for nerd blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Tracking down the answers to questions about entertainment is definitely a step down for this legendary lawman. After all, he did bring down Mugsy McGillicuddy’s LA operation and there are rumors floating about that he even punched Adolf Hitler in the face, thus bringing World War II to a grinding halt with his fists of fury.

Born in Bayonne, New Jersey, a young Dashing fancied himself an actor so he hopped a California bound train with his then girlfriend Hettie Blodgett, who you may know today as Jazz songstress Peaches LeMay.

While Hettie’s star shot straight up, Dashing was quickly advised by Hollywood’s hot shots that he couldn’t carry a movie in a bucket, even with an extra set of hands on the handle.

A down and out Dashing turned to boxing, found fame as “The Jersey Jabber,” but it was fleeting. Mugsy’s boys put him in a pickle and made him take a dive, see?

Peaches only had half the story, assumed her man was a bum, and hightailed it away as fast as her getaway sticks would take her.

Dejected but not defeated, Jake joined the Army, fought in World War II, and, as he tells it, was recruited for a top secret mission to cold cock Der Fuhrer in Der Snotzenboxen.  With that, Jake was set on a life long path of being a perpetrator of daring do, the man that people call on when things need to get done.

After some time in Hong Kong and Cuba, Jake made his way back to the United States, took a job with the LAPD, and made a name for himself as an honest go getter who couldn’t be bought.

Sadly, a fracas with his partner Mickey Finn over allegations of impropriety with his first wife led to Jake quitting the force.

At the time, it seemed like a great decision as he opened his own shop, “Dashing Investigations,” and made a killing airing or hiding celebrities’ dirty laundry, depending on whoever was paying more.

But handle enough dirty laundry and sooner or later the stains are bound to stick on you.  Add a scheming second wife and a drinking problem that chased away his loving third wife, plus one last score to settle with Mugsy and things were bound to go kablooie.

In 1954, feeling crushed under the weight of it all, Dashing parked his keister in his desk chair, laid his head down for a nap, but didn’t wake up again until 2014.

He put that Rip Van Winkle fella to shame.

Cell phones. Computers. Everyone and their uncle has one and they’re never not using them. Political correctness. Dames in pants.

None of it makes sense to a 1950’s man and he wants to get back to his own time pronto, yesterday even.

Bookshelf Q. Battler, the notorious nerd blogger, claims to have the straight skinny on why Jake fell asleep for 60 years and how he can return home. But before he spills the beans, Jake will have to solve 100 pop culture mysteries and file his reports so BQB can file them online.

BQB’s attorney, Delilah K. Donnelly acts as a go between Battler and Jake, and between you and me, Jake’s got a bit of a thing for her.

Then again, he always was a sucker for a pretty face.

 

 

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