Posts Tagged With: noir


Classic Hollywood Author Interrogations – Martin Turnbull

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Turnbull is his name. Martin Turnbull, though I assure you, when it comes to bull, he’s not turning it. He’s a bonafide Old Hollywood expert sure enough.  He’s worked as a tour guide, providing tourists and LA locals alike with access to Beverly Hills mansions, Hollywood hills vistas, and according to his Amazon author page, he’ll even share where all the bodies are buried. 

Nine years.  That’s how long he spent volunteering as a historical walking tour docent with the Los Angeles Conservancy. Hell, the fella was even a tour guide for a summer at Warner Brothers Studios in Burbank.

If old style Tinsel Town is your bag, you’ll want to feast your peepers on Turnbull’s books, particularly his Hollywood’s Garden of Allah series.


Q.  Take a load off, palooka, ‘cuz you’re gonna be here awhile, see? First thing’s first. This obsession of yours with the Hollywood of days long past. Where did it come from and what drives you to keep it going?

A.  It all goes back to my school vacations. There was nothing I liked better than to spend my days watching old movies on TV. One of the TV stations had a Midday Movie where they’d show an old Hollywood movie every day, so that was my version of heaven. Then, in 1987, Lauren Bacall published her memoir, “By Myself,” and she did a book tour in Australia. When she came to Melbourne, I was amazed. I couldn’t believe that someone who I’d only known on my TV screen was actually in the same city as me. It wasn’t like I thought these old Hollywood movie star type people weren’t real, but when you’re 16 and living in Australia, those 8000 miles between Melbourne and Los Angeles – not to mention those 40 years in between – lend everything connected with golden-era Hollywood an aura of otherworldliness that I never expected to connect with. I went right out and bought her book, devoured it, and then set about reading every memoir, biography, and autobiography of the stars, directors, moguls – anything I could get my hands on.

Q.  Bogie.  Bacall. Bette Davis.  Errol Flynn. James Cagney. Judy Garland. Clark Gable. Joan Crawford. Greta Garbo. Grace Kelly. Fred Astaire.  This is just a sampling of the many classic stars you list as your favorites on your Amazon author page.

If you had to pick one as your absolute, all-time favorite, who would it be and why?  

A.  Oh boy, talk about your Sophie’s Choice. If you MAKE me choose, I’ll probably have to go with Garland. That’s mainly because she had that unique ability to have you laughing your ass off one minute, and literally a split-second later, there’d be a look in her eye, or a tremble in her lip, or a break in her voice, and your heart would go out to her. She had that rare combination of vulnerability and accessibility fused with extraordinary talent and singing voice like no other.

That’s what made the stars back then “Movie Stars” with a capital “M” and a capital “S.” Anybody from that list of stars you mentioned was the same – there was nobody else like them. They each possessed those mystical, magical qualities that came together in one person and somehow projected from the screen and spoke to a whole generation of moviegoers. And still do!

Q.  Kids these days. What with their new fangled computer-ma-bobs and beep boop machines, they drive me crazy.  They’re into blockbusters now. Flicks with fancy computer graphics.  Big budgets and special effects galore.

If you had to talk one of these whippersnappers into giving the likes of Bogie and his ilk a try, what would you say?

A.  Hmmm…I’d probably try and describe how movies were made back then—how the studio system was set up and geared toward producing a movie that went about trying to tell a story without having rely so heavily on post production visuals. If you read autobiographies of directors, they talk a lot about the work that went into a developing and refining a story until they had something workable, appealing, commercial, different, and worth telling. I just finished reading the autobiography of Vincent Sherman, who directed both Bette Davis and Joan Crawford at the top of their game, and he talked a lot about working and working and working on the story until they had it right. There was no talk of distracting the audience or filling stretches of the movie with robot duels or space battles.

Q.  This site is about “Pop Culture Mysteries.”  Bookshelf Q. Battler has sent me on a mission to answer questions about movies, music, books and other forms of entertainment.

Here’s one inquiry I have about Casablanca. Would the ending have been as good had Rick told Ilsa to stick around?

Sorry, 3.5 readers.  Apparently I was supposed to shout “SPOILERS!” before saying that but you’ve had seventy plus years to watch that damn movie, so quit your belly aching.

A.  Ah, well, now you’re talking about one of my all-time favorites. My theory about the longevity of Casablanca is that one of the reasons why its lasted so long is because it didn’t fit the standard Hollywood ending where the male and female romantic leads walk off into the sunset together—or in this case, into the fog. As bittersweet as it is, the ending of that movie is more realistic, and more importantly, it feels right. Casablanca is about The One Who Got Away, and what we’d do if we had a chance for a do-over. I suspect that many of us have a One Who Got Away in our past, but few of us get to have a do-over. Casablanca gives Bogie that rare opportunity, but he’s pragmatic enough to see that what happened in Paris ought to stay in Paris. Yes, he still loves her, but he loves her enough to do the right thing by her, and lets her escape. He tells her that eventually she’ll regret not getting on that airplane, and he’s right. She would. So Bogie makes the greatest sacrifice for love, and we all love him for it. And the fact that the filmmakers had the nerve to not let the two stars end up together was brave and, in my opinion, helped turn a good movie into a classic.

Q.  Hollywood’s all about reboots and remakes these days.  They’ve done it all and now they want to do it all…again.

Is there one old classic you’d like to see updated for modern times?  Or are you like me and would prefer those gems stay as is?

A.  All you have to do is look at the remakes of The Women to know the answer to that question. In 1956, they remade it into a musical called The Opposite Sex. And in 2008, it was remade again as a non-musical comedy called The Women. I am a huge fan of the original movie and while I don’t hate-with-a-passion either of the remakes, it’s very clear that the original was a lightning-in-a-bottle miracle that brought together the perfect cast, story, director, costumer and editor, and resulted in a production that can’t be bettered. In my view, all movies are a reflection of the times in which they were made and should be viewed as such. Some remakes are successfully done, but in my view it’s lazy storytelling. Surely there are many, many more stories yet to be told?

Q.  Your Hollywood’s Garden of Allah series begins at a time when moving pictures give a “slug” to Tinsel Town’s silent film industry. For the uninitiated reader, can you explain why the transition from silent films to movies was such a trying time?

A.  To quote Norma Desmond: “There was a time, you wouldn’t remember…” and she was actually kinda right. Before the talkies, the movies were an entirely visual medium. They had title cards, but they were used sparingly because it was felt that the whole point of these new-fangled flickers called moving pictures was the ability to tell a story visually—and entirely visually.

They needed people with not just great faces, but who were somehow able to reach through the screen and evoke an emotional response with each individual audience member. If you wanted to hear people speak, you went to the theater. If you wanted to see them, you went to the movies. In the minds of many people at the time, the introduction of talkies got in the way of the visuals. They were a distraction and a degradation of the art form.

Also, because the movies were silent, they could be shown to anyone in any country and the audience would understand it because language wasn’t an issue. But with the introduction of audible dialogue, it meant that the movies would only play in those countries that spoke English. The studios now had to go to the trouble of dubbing and subtitling whereas they didn’t before.

And thirdly, this was a time when the studios owned their own extensive chains of movie houses. Transitioning to sound meant going to the enormous expense of installing sound systems in each theater. It took the Powers That Be a while to come to grips with the reality that progress was marching ever forward and if they didn’t keep up with the times, they’d be kicked to the curb.

Q.  The Black Dahlia.  Who did it?  Come on, bub. It’s time to make like a canary and sing, see?

A.  I ain’t no stool pigeon. I ain’t blabbin’, I tells ya, and none of you low-down dirty birdies can make me.

Q.  Speaking of dead bodies, what’s the worst crime or scandal in classic Hollywood’s history you can think of?

A.  The one that springs to mind was the whole scandal surrounding the Fatty Arbuckle thing in the early 1920s. Between November 1921 and April 1922, Arbuckle had to defend himself against accusations of rape and manslaughter after a weekend-party-gone-wrong resulted in the death of Virginia Rappe.

After the first two trials resulted in hung juries, he was acquitted in the third trial and even received a formal written statement of apology from the jury.  Despite this outcome, Arbuckle’s career shot down the sewer and never recovered. Even worse, he became the poster boy all the depravity and moral turpitude that the conservative element was holding Hollywood responsible for. Arbuckle was probably no saint, but he didn’t deserve the treatment he got at the hands of the US justice system.

Q.  You were a Hollywood tour guide for a long while.  If some schmuck reading this visits the City of Angels for the first time, what’s the one spot he absolutely has to take in before he hauls his sorry carcass back to whatever two-bit burg he comes from?

A.  Dude, Los Angeles is home to over 18 million people and covers 4,850 square miles, I can only give you ONE spot? Are you freakin’ kidding me? I can’t give you one spot, but I can give you one short list:

  • Hollywood Forever Memorial Park is a cemetery where a lot of old Hollywood stars are buried. 60000 Santa Monica Boulevard. Historian Karie Bible does a wonderful walking tour
  • The Los Angeles Conservancy does a series of terrific historical walking tours, mostly around downtown L.A., which I highly recommend:
  • The Biltmore Hotel in downtown L.A. Built in 1923 and has been restored to its glory.
  • Hollywood Max Factor
  • Bradbury Building, Downtown LA
  • A guy called Philip Mershon does a great walking tour of a 4-block stretch of Sunset Boulevard east of Vine Street. It’s amazing how much happened on this short stretch. His tour is one of my LA must-do’s:

Q.  You’ve been all kinds of helpful during this interrogation so I’ll cut you some slack.  I’m not saying I’m going to let you go.  I’m just going to leave the door open and turn around.  If you walk out, no one’s the wiser, see?

Before you put your feet on the street, the 3.5 readers of this site are aspiring writers. Any last minute words of wisdom for them?

A.  I have three words of wisdom: persistence, persistence, persistence. I’d say at least 80% of what people think goes into becoming a writer — inspiration, talent, craft — comes from dropping your butt into your chair / sofa / bed / hammock / position of choice and start tapping that keyboard. Even on days when you don’t feel like it. In fact, I’d say especially on those days you don’t feel like it. Even if you hate every word of what you’ve written. You can’t polish or improve or edit or re-write something you haven’t written. So stop talking about it, stop thinking about it, stop dreaming about it, and just DO IT.

EPILOGUE: Another day, another interrogation.  Facts gathered like so many pieces to a cardboard puzzle. Turnbull laid all those pieces out on the table and helped me connect them together. I respected him for being a straight shooter, so much so that I was dying to read Reds in the Beds, Turnbull’s latest book, now available on Amazon.

You’ll want to grab a copy, 3.5 readers, because if there’s one thing this private dick knows, it’s that a good page turner is like a good woman – hard to find one, but once you do, you won’t want to let go.


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Enter the Blonde – Revised Edition – Now on Wattpad

June 1, 2015.shutterstock_112522019

It was the day that Jake Dashing returned to his office to find a beautiful blonde attorney sitting in his desk chair.

She came with an offer: solve 100 “Pop Culture Mysteries” for her eccentric client, the notorious nerd blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler and in exchange, said nerd will dish the details on how Jake can return to his own time.

Delilah K. Donnelly. Was she an angel with the answer to Jake’s prayers, or like so many dames before her, was she just looking to dance the Charleston on Jake’s ticker?

Only time will tell.

Bookshelf Q. Battler reviewed the report Jake filed on this matter earlier this year, fleshed out the details and slapped it up for public consumption on Wattpad.

You can find it in Pop Culture Mysteries – Season One.

Right after the story there’s an ad from the American Organization Against Anti-American Tomfoolery advising you on how to figure out whether or not your neighbor is a smelly communist.

You can never be too careful when it comes to those pinkos.

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Character Profile – Capt. Thaddeus Talbot


A veteran of World War I, Captain Thaddeus Talbot was one of few honest cops during Mugsy McGillicuddy’s de facto ownership of the city. He survived as long as he did by walking a fine line, refusing to ignore corruption when it right in front of his face, but never going out of his way to look for it either. “See no evil, hear no evil, don’t get a .38 shoved up your ass by evil,” he advised his men.

He was in charge of “The Irregulars,”a unit unofficially designated as the Mayor’s public relations tool. Talbot and co. would chase down headline grabbing cases in an effort to draw press attention off the Mayor, who was widely believed to be one of many public officials’ in McGillicuddy’s pocket.

In the later period of his life, Talbot got through his days by dreaming of his imminent retirement – moving to a cabin by a lake with Mrs. Talbot, fly fishing and long, luxurious naps.

But then Jake Dashing came into his life, becoming an obnoxious irritant to his plans, as well as his ulcer.

Known for a mouth that would make a sailor blush, the good captain was a Rembrandt of obscenity. Inappropriate words were his paint and Dashing often ended up as his canvas.

And who could blame him? The poor old timer ended up in a vice, squeezed on one end by the Mayor who demanded McGillicuddy get a free pass, and Dashing, who yearned to slap a pair of cuffs on LA’s most nefarious criminal mastermind, no matter the collateral damage.

All the poor guy wanted to do was fish.

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Character Profile – Muffelia “Muffy” Bordeaux


Muffy. The Muffster. The Second Mrs. Dashing. She was a Cajun coquette from the Bayou that Jake met when he was at the top of his game, making moolah hand over fist as a private dick to the stars.  A classy broad on his arm, a finely tailored suit jacket on his back and piles of dough in his pocket and Jake was happier than he’d ever been.

Then it all came crashing down when Muffy shot Jake six times then ran off to Tahiti with Jake’s boorish younger brother, Roscoe.  Well, Roscoe thought he was headed to a sunny beach, anyway.  Instead, he ended up taking a dirt nap, feeding the earthworms with his high grade personal protein.

Was Muffy everything she seemed, or was there more to this femme fatale?  That was a mystery for Jake to solve. All he knew was that she was a crack shot, but missed every organ.

If that’s not love, what is?

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Character Profile – Peaches LeMay


Jazz aficionados the world over know her as Peaches LeMay, the sultry siren of stage and screen who took Hollywood by storm in the 1940’s and 50’s.  To this day, film buffs heap praise on her award winning turn in Away With the Fire, and her singles are staples of any classic music lover’s collection.

But before she became America’s sweetest peach, she was Jake Dashing’s first girlfriend.  To him, she was Hettie May Blodgett, the girl he grew up with in Bayonne, NJ.

As a couple of eighteen year olds with stars in their eyes, Jake and Hettie hopped an LA bound train, hoping for fame and fortune. Jake wanted to be an actor while Hettie had her sights set on singing.

The deal worked out amazingly for Hettie.

As for Jake?  Well, since he’s currently a washed up private dick in the employ of a nerd blogger who is only able to attract a mere 3.5 readers, one might say our favorite gumshoe drew the short end of the stick on this one.

Still, like an Olympic runner, Jake carries a torch for her.  He blames himself for their breakup and thinks of her often.

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Character Profile – Delilah K. Donnelly, Esq.


As one of the top power brokers in Hollywood, Attorney Donnelly is the woman the elite call on whenever they’re in a pinch.  From celebrities in need of her remarkable contract negotiation skills to less than savory individuals looking to stay out of the clink, her schedule is full and she has the billable hours to show for it.

Thus, one of the greatest mysteries of all time is why a woman of such an extraordinary high caliber will, without fail, drop whatever she is doing when her pro bono client, Bookshelf Q. Battler, the lowly nerd in charge of Bookshelf Battle, calls on her for assistance.

Her client list includes captains of industry, stars of stage and screen…and a guy with a blog that only attracts the eyes of 3.5 readers.  Doesn’t make much sense, does it?

Ms. Donnelly is fiercely loyal to Mr. Battler and he, in turn, speaks of her with the utmost admiration.  Why Ms. Donnelly and Mr. Battler share such mutual respect for one another is a secret they’ve yet been willing to share publicly.

Detective Jake Dashing has made it clear that if he ever runs into Battler, he’ll strangle our beloved nerd into dishing the information he needs to get back to the 1950’s, thus ending this website’s run way too early.

BQB can’t have that, so Ms. Donnelly serves as an intermediary between Dashing and Battler.  She delivers BQB’s pop culture mystery questions to Jake and forwards Jake’s reports to BQB.

Jake has developed an overwhelming crush on Ms. Donnelly.  He’s spent his life searching for his “unicorn” a woman who not only has both brains and beauty but most importantly, doesn’t use those assets for evil purposes.

Our fedora sporting hero is convinced she’s his special lady.  Moreover, as a 1950’s fella, Jake’s aghast by “dames in trousers” and is attracted to Ms. Donnelly’s classic, fashionable style.

It’s a look she’s known for all over Hollywood.  Whether representing a client in court, out for a night on the town, or simply relaxing, Ms. Donnelly has never been spotted wearing anything unworthy of being sent down a fashion show runway.

As head counsel for Donnelly and Associates, her net worth is estimated to be higher than you 3.5 readers can count, though she often donates generously to charitable causes and has been known to advocate for the less fortunate (even people lower than Bookshelf Q. Battler and that’s pretty low).

Few details of Ms. Donnelly’s past are known and she and Battler certainly aren’t sharing them.

Will she ever succumb to Jake’s advances, or will she continue to treat him like the washed up bum that he is?

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Character Profile – Jake Dashing


His name’s Dashing. Jake Dashing. He’s a sleuth, a gumshoe, a shamus, a private dick, and as of 2015, a less than willing servant for nerd blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler.

Tracking down the answers to questions about entertainment is definitely a step down for this legendary lawman. After all, he did bring down Mugsy McGillicuddy’s LA operation and there are rumors floating about that he even punched Adolf Hitler in the face, thus bringing World War II to a grinding halt with his fists of fury.

Born in Bayonne, New Jersey, a young Dashing fancied himself an actor so he hopped a California bound train with his then girlfriend Hettie Blodgett, who you may know today as Jazz songstress Peaches LeMay.

While Hettie’s star shot straight up, Dashing was quickly advised by Hollywood’s hot shots that he couldn’t carry a movie in a bucket, even with an extra set of hands on the handle.

A down and out Dashing turned to boxing, found fame as “The Jersey Jabber,” but it was fleeting. Mugsy’s boys put him in a pickle and made him take a dive, see?

Peaches only had half the story, assumed her man was a bum, and hightailed it away as fast as her getaway sticks would take her.

Dejected but not defeated, Jake joined the Army, fought in World War II, and, as he tells it, was recruited for a top secret mission to cold cock Der Fuhrer in Der Snotzenboxen.  With that, Jake was set on a life long path of being a perpetrator of daring do, the man that people call on when things need to get done.

After some time in Hong Kong and Cuba, Jake made his way back to the United States, took a job with the LAPD, and made a name for himself as an honest go getter who couldn’t be bought.

Sadly, a fracas with his partner Mickey Finn over allegations of impropriety with his first wife led to Jake quitting the force.

At the time, it seemed like a great decision as he opened his own shop, “Dashing Investigations,” and made a killing airing or hiding celebrities’ dirty laundry, depending on whoever was paying more.

But handle enough dirty laundry and sooner or later the stains are bound to stick on you.  Add a scheming second wife and a drinking problem that chased away his loving third wife, plus one last score to settle with Mugsy and things were bound to go kablooie.

In 1954, feeling crushed under the weight of it all, Dashing parked his keister in his desk chair, laid his head down for a nap, but didn’t wake up again until 2014.

He put that Rip Van Winkle fella to shame.

Cell phones. Computers. Everyone and their uncle has one and they’re never not using them. Political correctness. Dames in pants.

None of it makes sense to a 1950’s man and he wants to get back to his own time pronto, yesterday even.

Bookshelf Q. Battler, the notorious nerd blogger, claims to have the straight skinny on why Jake fell asleep for 60 years and how he can return home. But before he spills the beans, Jake will have to solve 100 pop culture mysteries and file his reports so BQB can file them online.

BQB’s attorney, Delilah K. Donnelly acts as a go between Battler and Jake, and between you and me, Jake’s got a bit of a thing for her.

Then again, he always was a sucker for a pretty face.



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What is a Pop Culture Mystery?


Bookshelf Q. Battler

Bookshelf Q. Battler

I’m Bookshelf Q. Battler, a world renowned poindexter, reviewer of pop cultural happenings, and a champion fighter.

If you’re one of my regular 3.5 readers over at  The Bookshelf Battle Blog,  thank you for following me over here.  If you’re a new reader, thanks for stopping by.  I could always use more readers, though somehow the more I get, my hit counter never gets higher than 3.5.  Weird.


I’m glad you asked.  A Pop Culture Mystery is a question involving some aspect of the entertainment industry that is so vexing, so confusing, so absolutely confounding that it absolutely boggles the mind.

Some examples:

  • In Star Wars, who shot first? Han or Greedo?
  • How did Doc and Marty from Back to the Future originally meet?
  • What happened to the original Brady spouses?
  • Who let the dogs out?  Who? Who? Who? Who?


I’m glad you asked, new and old readers.

See that bodacious blonde way up in the header of this blog?

That is Ms. Delilah K. Donnelly, my attorney and representative in all matters. Boy, has she saved my oily hide and pulled my bacon out of the fire more times than I can count.

I suppose she won’t always be up there, so here’s another snap of her:


Delilah K. Donnelly, Esq.

I know. She’s easy on the eyes, but let’s try to keep this professional. She’s an accomplished officer of the court after all, and I could not have put this site together without her adept negotiation skills.

Perhaps you’ve heard of legendary lawman Jake Dashing? History buffs can tell you that he ranks right up there with the likes of Elliot Ness and Melvin Purvis.


Jake Dashing

Ness brought down Al Capone, Purvis took out John Dillinger and Dashing?  He brought an end to the stranglehold that notorious mobster Mugsy McGillicuddy had on the City of Angels, a miraculous feat that no one ever thought would be possible at the time.

The world has long believed that Dashing died not long after that.  The world is wrong.

He didn’t die.  He just feel asleep at his desk in 1954 and slept for 60 years until he finally woke up again in 2014.

Now that’s some Rip Van Winkle action.

Dashing spent a year trying to figure out what happened to him with no luck.

That’s where I come in. You see, I know why Dashing had a six decade nap. I know how he can get back to the 1950’s, the time period he feels most comfortable in. I know how to return him to his old life.

I should just tell him, right?

Well, that would be the just and moral thing to do but I’m trying to get some stats up in this piece. Unfortunately, that means having to do unsavory things.

Thus, with the help of Attorney Donnelly, I struck a deal with Jake:

  • He’ll solve 100 Pop Culture Mysteries for me and file reports that I’ll publish online.
  • After the 100th report is filed, I’ll tell him what he wants to know.
  • And unfortunately, since Jake’s holding back an intense desire to strangle the shit out of me until I squeal like a pig, he and I will never meet in person. We’ll rely on Ms. Donnelly to be our go-between. She’ll deliver my questions and collect Jake’s reports.

Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Well, no, not for Jake.  But hey, I know you have your choice of blogs to read so when you’re making that decision, keep in mind there aren’t many bloggers who care enough about your entertainment needs to black mail a badass hardboiled noir detective who could literally murder me with his pinky finger without flinching.


  • Jake’s had plenty of adventures in his past that he’ll share, and he’ll clue us in to what’s going on as he tries to make it in modern day LA.
  • If you’re a mystery writer, Jake will interview you in his typical private detective style.
  • If you’re a pop culture enthusiast, I’ll deputize you so you can solve a pop culture mystery of your own and promote your work at the same time.


Ah, there’s the rub. Jake’s been filing reports for Bookshelf Battle since June. He grabbed enough attention from my 3.5 readers that I became convinced that he needed a blog of his own.

But I need some time.  So I’ve given myself a deadline of April 1 to get all of Jake’s reports and other material ready to go.


  • Follow this blog so you’ll be ready to go April 1.
  • If you’ve got a pop culture mystery you’d like to put Jake on, tweet it to me at @bookshelfbattle
  • Check back here as I’ll be posting more updates as April 1 begins
  • Follow and read Bookshelf Battle.  While I’m no Jake Dashing, I am an adventurer in my own right. My blog is a chronicle of my attempts to become a writer, and the aliens, yetis, mad scientists, zombies and other bizarre characters I cross paths with along the way.
  • If you have friends, tell them all about this!  If you don’t have any friends, that really sucks. Take a long, hard look at yourself, make some positive life changes and find a friend! Then tell him or her about my blogs. Remember, the key is to tell them.

I’m very excited about this project and I hope you are too.


Bookshelf Q. Battler





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