His name’s Dashing. Jake Dashing. He’s a sleuth, a gumshoe, a shamus, a private dick, and as of 2015, a less than willing servant for nerd blogger Bookshelf Q. Battler.
Tracking down the answers to questions about entertainment is definitely a step down for this legendary lawman. After all, he did bring down Mugsy McGillicuddy’s LA operation and there are rumors floating about that he even punched Adolf Hitler in the face, thus bringing World War II to a grinding halt with his fists of fury.
Born in Bayonne, New Jersey, a young Dashing fancied himself an actor so he hopped a California bound train with his then girlfriend Hettie Blodgett, who you may know today as Jazz songstress Peaches LeMay.
While Hettie’s star shot straight up, Dashing was quickly advised by Hollywood’s hot shots that he couldn’t carry a movie in a bucket, even with an extra set of hands on the handle.
A down and out Dashing turned to boxing, found fame as “The Jersey Jabber,” but it was fleeting. Mugsy’s boys put him in a pickle and made him take a dive, see?
Peaches only had half the story, assumed her man was a bum, and hightailed it away as fast as her getaway sticks would take her.
Dejected but not defeated, Jake joined the Army, fought in World War II, and, as he tells it, was recruited for a top secret mission to cold cock Der Fuhrer in Der Snotzenboxen. With that, Jake was set on a life long path of being a perpetrator of daring do, the man that people call on when things need to get done.
After some time in Hong Kong and Cuba, Jake made his way back to the United States, took a job with the LAPD, and made a name for himself as an honest go getter who couldn’t be bought.
Sadly, a fracas with his partner Mickey Finn over allegations of impropriety with his first wife led to Jake quitting the force.
At the time, it seemed like a great decision as he opened his own shop, “Dashing Investigations,” and made a killing airing or hiding celebrities’ dirty laundry, depending on whoever was paying more.
But handle enough dirty laundry and sooner or later the stains are bound to stick on you. Add a scheming second wife and a drinking problem that chased away his loving third wife, plus one last score to settle with Mugsy and things were bound to go kablooie.
In 1954, feeling crushed under the weight of it all, Dashing parked his keister in his desk chair, laid his head down for a nap, but didn’t wake up again until 2014.
He put that Rip Van Winkle fella to shame.
Cell phones. Computers. Everyone and their uncle has one and they’re never not using them. Political correctness. Dames in pants.
None of it makes sense to a 1950’s man and he wants to get back to his own time pronto, yesterday even.
Bookshelf Q. Battler, the notorious nerd blogger, claims to have the straight skinny on why Jake fell asleep for 60 years and how he can return home. But before he spills the beans, Jake will have to solve 100 pop culture mysteries and file his reports so BQB can file them online.
BQB’s attorney, Delilah K. Donnelly acts as a go between Battler and Jake, and between you and me, Jake’s got a bit of a thing for her.
Then again, he always was a sucker for a pretty face.